What does niceness have to do with manipulation? Find out four ways to recognize and manage manipulators.
Disclaimer: This story is an opinion piece and for entertainment purposes only. It's not a relationship advice.
“If we inspire people, they will give us more than we asked for. If we manipulate them, they will give us exactly what we paid for” — Simon Sinek.
Is your friend a real friend, a nice person, or a manipulator?
Here's how to handle niceness disguised as a manipulation. This technique may not work for you. I encourage you to seek professional advice if you have never-ending relationship issues.
Wellness Group Story
Mako is so sweet and likable to most members of the group. However, many group members didn't like her niceness because she was too lovely and permitted people to disrespect her.
Why was she doing that? Many friendly people often want payback as soon as they do anything for you.
One day, Carol came to the meeting late, and Mako offered her a seat she reserved for her. But she said no and moved on. Later, Mako offered Carol a home-cooked cookie, and she told her, "No."
At the end of the meeting, Mako asked Carol for a ride, and she said, "No."
The above example shows us how some people can turn niceness into manipulation.
They give others inferior gifts or less time and expect more valuable gifts as a reward.
Is being tactful necessary? Yes, if people are sincere.
Kindness is a free will with no obligation or expectations — be wise.
4 practical Ways to Recognize and Manage Manipulators
I. Expensive or unnecessary gifts
Joe gave me an expensive gift, a red flag in a casual relationship. I didn't need it and regifted it to a woman who did. Then, he stopped talking to me.
Pay attention to expensive and unnecessary gifts from cheap people. Always ask why a costly gift from a broke person.
II. Too much sharing of private life
Evans is a new group member, and on the first day, she shared unnecessary things about herself. Is Evans a sweet person or a manipulator?
Be watchful of people who share too much when they meet you for the first or second time. Sometimes, their vulnerability is not accurate.
For example, many people like to share mental illness, childhood traumas, selfless mothers' syndrome, and nasty husband stories on social media. Why? Because these topics sell and attract pity parties and fake friends.
So watch out, and don't allow them to fool you with so-called personal stories they can't back up six months from today.
III. Unnecessary or daily compliments.
This is a giveaway. Watch your wallet and emotions. Human emotions can ruin lives. Many products and services are profitable when advertisers add emotional words like free, good, fear, happy, etc.
Is the compliment genuine? We don't need a thank you for caring for our children, making our beds, or paying taxes for books in our local library.
Look at action, not words.
Be wise — manipulators are not an average Jacob or Jane. They can be sophisticated with their word, appearance, and connections.
IV. They pretend to be your parents, boss, or ever-ready savior.
Once, I observed a skillful fourteen-year-old young man making a waffle in a hotel's kitchen. Then, a middle-aged woman left her family breakfast table to go and mother the confident cook. The young man ignored the fake mother and moved away from the busybody. The woman's teen daughter screamed at her mom, and we laughed under our breath.
Be aware of fake parents and friends. They are manipulators who want everyone to be like them, or they're seeking attention.
Remember
Anyone can be manipulated. Be aware and know what you want and need and how or where to get them.
Trust yourself and permit others to do the same. If it's too good to be true, it's not true.
Choose not to contribute to how or when others manipulate you. Real love is never for sale.
“Manipulation for good purpose is still a manipulation. Sometimes actions triumph over intentions.”" — Sarvesh Jain.
Who are the manipulators? Join the conversation below.
This story was first published on another website.