Note: This post contains a link to the author's book
This is the question we all ask ourselves, isn’t it?
Romantic love seems so beautiful at times, yet, its daily chores and responsibilities also puzzle us; is it really that worth it?
Obviously, we all know that our DNA inclines us to find a mate in order to perpetuate the species. Whether or not we’re into romance, at some point, our bodies have certain demands and exploring those demands is as much a part of the human experience as is everything else.
As an example, think about how happy we are when we enter in a relationship versus how excluded from the world we feel after a breakup — this is the DNA doing the talking!
On top of this natural inclination to find a mate, most of us have been raised in challenging environments, and what this means is that in all of us there is a wounded child. Feeling inadequate, not good enough, undeserving of love, and so on — due to parents’ expectations, parents’ absence for whatever reason, etc. — we desperately look for a way out of those limiting beliefs about ourselves we’ve accepted as being true.
In most cases, our lover plays this role since we’re naturally inclined to open up to him/her and allow this person into our intimate world. As the relationship develops however, what happens is that we project our unresolved issues (relating to our childhood) onto the partner. And if we’re not conscious of this process, as is the case in most couples, conflicts arise, as well as co-dependency tendencies.
That’s the plateau most couples reach. And while it does have its ups and downs, the relationship, as well as the partners’ growth are limited.
Ideally, since couples always go through cycles, both partners should keep working on themselves. Working on ourselves means understanding that we have all been through different events that affected us in different ways, and taking ownership of our healing, as well as learning not to take our partner’s triggers personally are all key to the relationship’s healthy growth.
Obviously, this is easier said than done, especially when emotions can easily become overwhelming in a relationship. Let’s all keep in mind that those parts of our lives that challenge us the most can help us reach unfathomable heights in terms of personal growth.
Now, there isn’t really a right or wrong way to do it. Being single isn’t better than being in love, and vice versa. It all depends on the context, on our goals, and how we want to live our lives.
Whether romantically or not, we should always learn from all our relationships because each and every single one of them teaches us an invaluable lesson about ourselves. Doing so frees us from unnecessary burdens (healing), and all we’re left to do is to celebrate this life that we are with the world.
Hope it brought some clarity on the topic.
As a final note.
If you have been meditating, using affirmations and thinking positively for a while now without necessarily integrating spiritual truths at a soul level even though you understand them intellectually, I wrote a book to help you demystify the main blocks to spiritual growth, learn how to heal more effectively, and progress on your path. You can give it a look here.
Thank you for reading!