A man took to Reddit to complain about the breakdown of his marriage over his wife's racist father. The issue appears to center around his six-year-old son from a previous relationship.
The son happens to be half-black. (The mom is African-American.)
The man's current wife, who is white, had no problem with this when she met the child for the first time. Her father does have an issue with it, however.
The problems started when the couple invited the wife's father to dinner. This was before they got married.
The father hadn't met the man's son yet. When he did, he apparently became incredibly awkward in his presence.
Worse, he made "strange comments" about the boy's appearance. This enraged this man.
He confronted his father-in-law about it after dinner. All his father-in-law could offer were some "pretty pathetic excuses," he says.
This infuriated this man so much that he asked his father-in-law not to contact him outside of work matters.
That's the thing: they all work at the same company; the father, the husband, and the wife.
This man's wife also decided to cut off her father for his racist beliefs. At first, this move brought the couple closer. They decided to get married, and both agreed they didn't want her father at the wedding.
They began working at different companies, and it seemed like this racist father-in-law was gone from their lives for good. But then the wife got in contact with him again. She did this because she's pregnant.
When she told this man the truth about her reconnection with her father, he became angry. She says she just wants her father to be part of their future child's life.
But now the man feels betrayed. Worse, he feels his wife betrayed his son as well.
This is an understandable emotion on his part. And yet, he may need to look at this situation more logically.
He's letting his difference with his wife's father destroy his marriage. And honestly, he needs to consider if this father simply making "strange comments" about a child's appearance, who happens to be half-black, warrants being named a racist.
Perhaps it was all just a misunderstanding. Assuming that this father's intent was to harm is harmful in itself.
Maybe he was just curious about the child and his intent wasn't to harm at all.
It seems this issue could have been worked out with more communication. It sounds like this is exactly what the wife has done. She's been talking to her dad, communicating with him.
Assuming that she'd cut out her father from her life forever because of his racist views isn't rational either. She's going to be a mother, after all. It's understandable that she wants her dad in her life.
Accepting this father back into the family could be a learning moment in all of their lives. Maybe this dad just needs to get to know his son-in-law's half-black child better.
Does he have the willingness to learn and grow? If he is biased toward the child's skin color, can they sit down as a family and educate him about the harms of racism? Can he change and become a less bigoted person?
Sure, if this dad is unwilling to change his beliefs or exhibits harmful behaviors toward his son-in-law's child, then cutting off contact is necessary. But it doesn't seem like it's gotten to that point.
That, and even if this father is a full-blown racist, keeping in contact with him may actually be the solution. Corey Bennett Williams, a racial equity educator, told Parents:
One of the things that white folks don't love to hear from me, but I often need to say, is that THEY are the right person to call their loved one in. Often I hear people say that they've tried and they have decided to give up. Or that they can't talk to the person anymore. But that leaves the status quo in place, a culture of racism intact and Black and brown people in harm's way. The person that you have a relationship with, especially a family relationship, is in your circle of influence. And we need you to call them in.
In short, though this poster may feel uncomfortable around his seemingly racist father-in-law, communication with him is exactly what's needed to combat racism.
Only through exposure to people of color will this father grow out of his racist ways.
What do you think? Do you think that's the only way to combat racism? Let me know in the comments.