When is the right time to end a friendship?
Should frienships be give and take?
False friends aren't worth keeping around, and friendships where you're the only one doing the interacting rarely last. Balance and mutual respect are the cornerstones of a healthy friendship. To keep anything functioning smoothly in your life, you need to give it regular attention and care. In order for a relationship to last, both parties involved need to feel cared for and appreciated. Being a good friend is just as crucial as having good friends.
One woman recently wrote about how her mentally ill friend leaves her feeling exhausted both physically and emotionally.
She wrote under the username "cloudsandream" that she and her friend had met roughly two years ago while they were both enrolled in the same course. Though initially everything went swimmingly, since then everything has been a struggle.
This friend has issues with her mental health, and as a result, Cloudsandream and their other friend have had to sit with her on numerous occasions for extended periods of time while she has a breakdown, threatens to hurt herself, or other similar behaviors. She will blow up Cloudsandream's phone, and these effects can last for several hours or even days.
She also meets up with men even though they say there are "red flags" about them, and then she cries about how bad they were. Cloudsandream feels like she doesn't listen to anything she says. Then, after trying to comfort her for hours, she starts talking about hurting herself again.
As such, she must approve of any plans before they can go forward. It was Cloudsandream's turn to pick the location for their date, and the last two times she'd complained and suggested they try somewhere else. Either they go exactly as she says, or they don't leave.
Now the actual problem is that she has a new flat, and this past Monday, Cloudsandream sat in her flat (cold, unfurnished, with no heating or carpet) for over three hours to wait for the gas man to show up just because she wanted to go shopping. Cloudsandream was frozen to the bone, and when this friend came back, she said no thank you but simply complained the man never came.
Cloudsandream told her she was pretty broke, but she still asked for money and furniture. She has now asked herself what days and times she's free so she can watch her apartment while maintenance does its work so she can do other things and be at her part-time job.
Now she’s asked Cloudsandream to go on Thursday while the carpets are put down. But she doesn’t want to go because the flat is freezing and she has to travel and pay for her own taxis there and back. She's wasted hours of her time anyway, and she's tired of being her first point of call, despite them sharing other friends, because she doesn't really tell her "no." Although she feels awful, she wants to be shot. She’s emotionally and physically draining with how much she needs and wants from her; it feels constant. Cloudsandream has left the group chat on many occasions because it’s so overwhelming, but she just adds her back and asks her for things again.
Cloundsandream said she wants to end the friendship. Although she feels bad because she has lots of problems, she gets nothing from the friendship. It’s just her giving all and this friend just taking it. She understands that this friend has issues, but she's fed up with them now and wants her life back before more favors come flooding in.