Everyone knows that trust is the most important part of a healthy relationship. But each couple also has a different idea of what trust and limits are. Most people consider s*xting to be a form of cheating, even though "cheating" is a subjective term. S*xting is a big problem in dating and relationships today, and it seems to be on the rise.
Even if there is no physical intimacy, emotional affairs and cheating online can be just as hurtful because they are inherently flirty and close.
This problem came to light when a wife felt like she had reached the end of the road with her husband because of his online affairs and paid videos from a cam girl.
A mother of three (9, 4, and 2-year-olds) claims under the username stevieknits that she feels like she has reached the end of the road with her husband. She gave up teaching work when the youngest was born, with the view to returning after a year or two. Various incidences over the last 3ish years of finding out her husband paid for cam girls and only fans from their joint account have chipped away at her trust and respect for him.
The weirdest was finding out he'd been sexting on an app. She said that one hurt a lot and was especially memorable because he had been ignoring her while they were out to eat with their kids and his parents.
He'd mentioned he'd been playing some apps online and talked to his parents about it. During the meal, he was always looking at his phone. When Stevieknits tried to include him in the conversation with his parents, he blanked her several times, which made her feel bad.
When they got back to the car, his phone buzzed a few times. Steveiknits picked it up and saw a lot of messages. He had actually been sending messages during the meal while sitting next to his family. There were d*ck pictures he'd sent earlier in the day. This was a month after Steveiknits found a weird app on his phone that he was using to get paid videos from a cam girl, so she was already upset and paranoid about her husband's phone habits, so to do it in front of them all (in front of his parents and children) felt like a new low. The only explanation he could give was that he was "feeling down."
He refused to leave, and she stupidly tried to move on from it, she said. They had just bought a house to renovate, then COVID and lockdowns happened, so she thought she was busy enough for a couple of years to just feel numb enough to keep going through the motions.
As life has gone back to normal a bit, she feels like the fog has cleared, and she's realizing that she doesn't like, trust, or feel much at all for her husband. She doesn't think he would physically cheat on her, as that would require him to put some effort in, but she thinks or knows the damage has been done. She doesn't think she has it in her to properly forgive him to the point where she can feel things for him again.
She is constantly snapping at him and saying hurtful things. She's struggling to contain her anger and resentment at how much he has messed up.
"I just can't find him attractive or even want to spend time with him." She said
Her poor children rarely see affection between them. He does so much around the house and for the kids, but does that matter if she doesn't trust him? He had his phone out when they were having tea last week with one of the boy's friends over, and she realized that he could quite possibly be s*xting someone right then, sitting next to their kids and their friend. Her opinion of him is rock bottom and hasn't improved one teeny bit since the day she saw his phone after the restaurant s*xting.
Her husband promises he will "try harder" and fix things, but according to Stevieknits, nothing has materialized. He asks what she wants him to do, but "how am I supposed to know?" she added. It seems like he wants a handy list of how to fix the marriage, and it'd be yet another job for her to do.
Although he hasn't addressed his mental health, every few months, when their issues flare up again, he mentions speaking to a doctor but hasn't done anything yet. His lack of communication has always been one of their main issues over the years. He barely speaks to her, and they have very little left in common. One of the things she's saddest about is that when he does try to speak to her, she's not interested anymore. "It's like she waited years for him to talk to her more, and now she doesn't care enough to want him to," she said.
"Can it improve? Should I try harder? I've realized I haven't really tried anything apart from waiting for him to magically fix things, as he was the one to fuck up. I know it's childish." She said
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