In childhood and adolescence, siblings are friends, confidants, and role models. In adulthood, they are still a source of support.
When you were kids, it was fun to have your brother or sister around all the time. There was always someone to play with, plan with, or blame when you got in trouble. But even if your brother or sister is your best friend, it can be good and bad to live with them as an adult. Just because you’re cut from the same cloth, that doesn't mean you'll always agree on everything.
This issue was brought to light in a recent post that was made available online. In the post, an entitled woman was shown making unreasonable demands on her sister while oblivious to the fact that it wasn't her home.
A woman using the username tamarvin indicated that she has a 13-year-old daughter and an 11-year-old son. Her sister and her entire family are currently staying with her and her family in their home while they wait for council housing. Her sister has three children: a 14-year-old daughter, a 10-year-old son, and a 5-year-old son.
Her home has four bedrooms. The first room is her and her husband's. Her daughter's bedroom is the second. Her son's bedroom is the third. The last bedroom is the guest room, which is occupied by her sister and her husband.
Tamarvin's son wanted his 10-year-old cousin sleep in his room from the first night they arrived. They get along well and enjoy each other's company. So they arranged for her 14-year-old niece and 5-year-old nephew to stay in the lounge downstairs. Her 5-year-old nephew is evidently anxious, so he spends much of his time in the guestroom with his parents. Her niece doesn't like this arrangement because she doesn't feel like she has any privacy (downstairs is open plan).
"To solve this, my sister wants me to force my daughter to share her bedroom with my niece. My daughter, however, is not as close to my niece as the boys are to each other. My daughter and niece have very different personalities." tamarvin said.
Her daughter is very soft-spoken, in contrast to her niece who can be very loud and intimidating. Having so many other people in the house has already made her feel stressed and overwhelmed. Given that all three boys are quite young and full of boundless energy, the situation can quickly become disorganized. In addition, she doesn't want to force her daughter into giving up the one place she can go to be alone and relax.
She then told her sister that they could try to add a privacy curtain to a corner of the lounge for her daughter. Her sister said that wouldn't help at all because anyone could just barge in. She also said that a teenage girl should be able to have access to a lockable room, especially in a house full of mostly boys, and that she doesn't see any issue with the girls sharing, even though she told her her concerns. She thinks it would be a good opportunity for them to bond.
They have also had trouble with the weekly dinner she has with her kids. She said that they haven't had any problems with dinner so far because everyone helps buy food and the adults take turns cooking. She, on the other hand, would get takeout once a week for her kids.
She let them take turns choosing what they wanted each week. It's a treat at the end of the week that they both look forward to.
The sister and her husband have a tight budget, so they cannot afford to buy takeaway regularly. While she's is better off financially, paying for everyone every week is not feasible as it is already expensive and it would cost double.
Nonetheless, she felt it would be terrible to eat takeout in front of them at home. She had a short talk with her kids about how they would be eating out once a week instead of ordering in or making dinner at home while their aunt and her family were there. As far as she was concerned, this was a reasonable middle ground.
The sister didn't agree. She says that it's clear they're going out to eat good food because they leave before dinner and don't eat anything when they get home.
Even though her kids won't brag about going out to eat, when her nieces and nephews ask where they went, they will tell the truth. Then they would have felt bad, and the sister says they wouldn't feel bad if she just said no to her kids and that it wouldn't hurt them to not go out as often.
"I will also add that, on a selfish note, I don't want to stop taking them out to eat because it's the only time I get to have just the three of us alone now." Tamarvin said.
Boundaries
Holistic child psychologist Dr. Nicole Beurkens says that setting boundaries is important for healthy relationships and, more importantly, for taking care of ourselves. So, while children may have rules to follow at home, once you're an adult, it's important to learn how to set your own boundaries and how to respect those of others.
What do you think of the situation?
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