by: E.B. Johnson
Would you say that you’re living a life that’s self-defined? Becoming self-actualized is an important part of growing up and creating organic happiness for ourselves and the lives we’re building. No matter what your goals are in life, you need to have a core sense of self-belief. You need to be confident in who you are and know that you have a right to build a future that brings you joy. But what does true self-actualization look like, and how can it benefit our lives? Understanding is the key to unlocking our happiest self.
What self-actualization really looks like.
Sure, we all think of self-actualization differently. But there are still some core traits that define the height of self-actualization when we reach it. When you know who you are, you appreciate life and you begin to revel in it. Beyond that, you find a natural sense of compassion and connection that brings you closer to the world and your natural flow of happiness.
Finding the humor
Let’s face it: Nothing in life is as straight-forward or peaceful as we want it to be. The act of existing means you will struggle. It means you will face hardship and pains that are (sometimes) hard to process and impossible to put behind you. In order for us to survive this life in one piece, we have to find the humor in our lives; we have to laugh at ourselves and the absurdity of the world at large. Finding the humor is a superpower.
No fear of change
Would you say that you’re someone who fears change? If you answered “yes” then you’re not alone. Humans are creatures of habit, and that can make us struggle with change (and getting out of the comfort zone). That’s precisely how we grow and figure out who we are and what we want, though. If you want to lose your fear of change, then you need to embrace a self-actualized life. Living to our fullest truth helps us to see beyond the fear.
A self-defined life
Above all else, the self-actualized person is someone who lives a life that’s entirely self-defined. This isn’t to say that they don’t work jobs, and they don’t have responsibilities. It simply means that they create lives that are aligned and in-tune with their ultimate happiness. Are you someone who is living a life that’s been defined by your hopes and needs? You could be, but you have to be brave and take action every day.
Appreciating life
Sure, self-actualization looks different to everyone, but everyone with a self-actualized like knows how to appreciate it. That comes with the territory. When you’re doing what you’re supposed to do, it becomes easier to to stop and smell the roses from time-to-time. Even when things are bad, the self-actualized person can look around and find something to appreciate.
Embracing creativity
Creative lives are valuable. When we’re creative, we allow our minds to process its thoughts and emotions through a complex medium. This is invaluable when it comes to those negative or hard-to-process emotions that choke us up or leave us shaking. A creative life is also how we build on ideas that become foundational parts of our reality. We’re all creative in our own way and embracing that enables us to make better lives for ourselves.
Courage to be compassionate
It’s not always easy to be compassionate — especially to ourselves, and especially when we’re struggling in life. It takes courage to be compassionate. We have to be brave to be compassionate to ourselves, and we have to use this same courage in extending compassion to those who hurt or wrong us. Because the self-actualized person knows who they are and what they want, they aren’t afraid to show they care for others (or themselves). They know that compassion is the path to forgiveness and peace.
Love for spontaneity
How spontaneous is your life? How often do you embrace spontaneous experiences as a part of your growth and memory making process? In order for us to find the joy in life, we have to learn how to embrace the spontaneous aspects of it. We can make all the plans we want, but they won’t always go the way we want them to. When we learn how to embrace spontaneity, we can make serious leaps when it comes to self-actualization and leading lives that are worthwhile. We become stronger in who we are and our sense that we can conquer anyhting life throws our way.
Maximizing good experiences
Becoming self-actualized has nothing to do with a perfect life. That’s because there’s no such thing. Become self-actualized doesn’t minimize the drama or the pain that we experience in this life. The people we love still leave us, and we continue to make mistakes (even when we’re aligned with our truth). Bad things don’t stop happening simply because we understand who we are. We simply become better equipped to deal with it and more confident in our ability to do so. Alongside that, we become better equipped to maximize the pleasant experiences so that the memory of them sustains us.
Natural altruism
Giving is another way we can realize our self-actualized life. It’s hard to give of ourselves when we don’t know who we are, or we aren’t secure in who we are. Once we reach that plateau of inherent self-confidence, though, we find it becomes easier to give from the heart. Altruism is a natural behavior for many of us, and one we dive into once we’ve realized the full extent of who we are inside and out. This alignment is powerful, and so is leaning into altruistic behaviors like volunteering and social organizing.
Looking to bigger things
The self-actualized person is someone who can look to the bigger things in life. While they may enjoy the material and the superficial from time-to-time, they spend most their energies on the bigger picture. They are working toward something that is greater than themselves, and it gives them that sense of drive that allows them to overcome in moments of hardship. What is the bigger sense of meaning or purpose in your life? How does it drive you? Becoming self-actualized requires we discover these answers.
Building meaningful connection
Building meaningful connection is hard in this world. We’re all dealing with our own chaos and shadows, and that can make us put up walls that are challenging to get past. In order for us to connect in the deepest and most genuine ways, though, we have to pull down these walls. That’s why self-actualization is so important. The more self-actualized we become, the better equipped we are to build more meaningful connections with our partners, friends, and family.
The best ways to become self-actualized.
Do you want to create a happier life for yourself? Do you want to get more of what you want and feel better when you’re doing it? Self-actualization is how we become that person that we’ve always wanted to be. Getting there, though, requires that we accept everything that we are and invest in a more authentic life.
1. Accept everything that you are
There can be no self-actualization without a complete and total acceptance of self. You have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and see love. Be able to look in and see compassion and strength. The mistakes of your past don’t dictate who you are in the future. Acceptance is the only way to fully realize your passions and your values. Once you accept everything that you are, you can begin striving toward the things that bring you joy.
Accept everything that you are in this moment. Accept too everything you were and everything you have left to be. We’re all human. We get things wrong and we get things right. That’s it. Until you accept who you are, you can never manifest the future that will bring you genuine hope and happiness.
The best way to re-build our self-esteem is by first starting on the things we love. Wake up and name 3 things you love about yourself in the mirror every day. At night before you go to sleep, pull out a journal and write 3 things you did well. As you come to embrace the good things, you’ll find the courage to look at the things you consider a weakness. Once you embrace these parts of yourself as well, you will realize the beauty and ability that has always been natural to you.
2. Fully realize your strength
Have you ever taken the time to fully realize the extent of your emotional strengths? One of the best ways to test our strength is by living more organically. We have to embrace new experiences and find ourselves outside of our comfort zones. To do this, though, we have to empower ourselves to passionately pursue the unknown. You’ve got to get out there and do what you never done before, survive a few knocks, and understand that you have the strength to get back up again.
Fully realize your strength by finding the courage to live more spontaneously. Chances are, the reason you don’t branch out more in life is because you’re afraid of change and your ability to handle it. Defeat that strength by increasing the amount of spontaneity in your life (or relationships).
Get out of your comfort zone more often. Do it slowly by branching out with fun new experiences that encourage you to get break your routines and try new things. Don’t force all the meticulous planning and scheming. Simply get up one day and go somewhere new. Take a friend with you. Join a class you never thought you’d take. When you get out there and spontaneously enjoy yourself, you increase your courage and your belief that you can tackle change and the unknown.
3. Seek a natural appreciation
There’s a natural appreciation that comes with self-actualization, and it’s one of the most powerful tools we have. Life isn’t always pleasant, and it’s never easy. In order for us to find joy and love in it, we have to learn how to appreciate what we have in the moment (before it’s gone). To do this, you need to allow yourself to consciously show gratitude for the good things in your life. Slow down and smell the roses to better realize your own happiness.
Find your natural appreciation for life and allow it to lead you into relationships and experiences that are more aligned to your joy. While our day-to-day experience can come with a lot of rough times, it’s filled with beauty too. Learning to appreciate that makes surviving the hard times easier.
Rediscover the small things in life that allow you to stop and appreciate the good things all around you (no matter how small). Appreciate the good relationships you have. Celebrate the bountiful career opportunities that allow you to provide for yourself and those you love. Make a point to find at least 3 things you are grateful for each day. Write them down and write too how they made you feel. The more we do this, we see more positivity and beauty all around us.
Putting it all together…
Self-actualization is an important part of growing up and becoming a happy and whole person. This self-acknowledgement looks different to everyone, though. The results are the same when it comes to how we change the way in which see ourselves and our approach to life. Do you want to be happier? Do you want to have greater success in relationships or even your career? Embrace who you are and everything you want. It’s a transformation, though, that takes time and effort to undergo.
Accept everything that you are, everything that you were, and everything you will become in the future. You have to fully accept yourself in order to embrace true self-actualization. Realize your strengths too and do this by embracing spontaneity throughout your life. You can overcome any challenge that life throws your way. Seek a natural appreciation for the journey that you’re on and the experiences that are bringing you closer to your truths. Follow your compassion and be kind to yourself when you mess up or get things wrong. Invest in an authentic life and decide to build a future that’s defined entirely on your own terms.
- Krems, J., Kenrick, D., & Neel, R. (2017). Individual Perceptions of Self-Actualization: What Functional Motives Are Linked to Fulfilling One’s Full Potential?. Personality And Social Psychology Bulletin, 43(9), 1337–1352. doi: 10.1177/0146167217713191
- Kenrick, D. T., & Krems, J. A. (2018). Well-being, self-actualization, and fundamental motives: An evolutionary perspective. In E. Diener, S. Oishi, & L. Tay (Eds.), Handbook of well-being. Salt Lake City, UT: DEF Publishers. DOI:nobascholar.com