Letting go of draining thoughts can help you feel happier and more energetic.
“No amount of sleep in the world could cure the tiredness I feel.”
Sound familiar?
For years I could never seem to get anything done. I was always exhausted. By the time I got around to working on something meaningful, I was already spent.
Part of it was underlying physical conditions, but my mental exhaustion was the real culprit.
My mental energy was sapped before I even got out of bed.
So I decided to pay attention to how my mind worked, the things I thought about, and how I showed up in my life.
By paying attention, I realized I wasted a lot of time on harmful habits which was why there was no more energy left for other pursuits.
In my quest to reclaim my life, I learned to cut back on some of the mental habits that drained my resources.
But as with anything, you have to name it to claim it.
Here are some habits that can drain your energy and a few suggestions on how to get past them.
Self-criticism:
If you were bullied or criticized as a child, you might have internalized that voice.
If you had a sibling, parent, or nemesis who played on your insecurities, you might have taken over that role. Even after you escape the situation, your mental programming can be so strong that you keep the messages going.
You might be the one keeping the criticism going on a loop in your head. That's what happened to me.
When I was in my early 20's, I noticed there was an actual voice in my head that continually said to me, "You're stupid, your fat, you're ugly."
Those three statements had been playing in my head unnoticed for years.
Once I realized what was happening, I started saying the word "stop" whenever I noticed it happening.
It took a while, but over time this calmed it down and eventually stopped.
This kind of Mindfulness is a way to combat that voice and start to take control immediately.
Gossiping.
Gossiping might deflect from your problems, but it won't solve them.
One thing for sure, though. It reflects poorly on you.
It shows you have nothing better to do than stick your nose in other people's business.
It makes you seem petty and small, no matter how much relief it gives you or even if the gossip is true.
Focussing on somebody else makes it easier to ignore your own mess. But no matter how much you avoid dealing with your life, it's not going away.
So obsessing about someone else's problems still leaves your own issues unaddressed.
Sometimes we need to see someone else doing something to realize we do the same thing. But obsessively focussing on someone else just for the sake of avoidance doesn't' do anybody any good.
Adopting an attitude of acceptance and loving detachment can help with that.
Getting into the mindset that the only life you can change is your own can help you re-focus your efforts on the one thing you can control: yourself.
Criticizing others.
When you criticize others, you might be projecting what you don't like about yourself.
This is a common psychological phenomenon where we see our own insecurities in other people.
So if you can't face the things you don't like about yourself, you might start to see those things in others.
Instead of criticizing other people, try to figure out what it is about them that bugs you so much. Thinking about how it relates to you might help highlight something you want to work on yourself.
Using that person as a mirror instead of a target will help you get some insight into your own issues so you can tackle them.
Continually replaying past hurts.
If you constantly dwell on past mistakes and hurts, this is called rumination, and it's not good.
Were you mean to the "different" kid in high school?
Did you pee your pants in fourth grade, and everybody laughed?
If you continually replay humiliating or embarrassing moments in your mind, I can totally relate.
My entire 20's were one long string of drunken cringe-worthy events.
We all carry memories so humiliating that we cringe just thinking about them. But at some point, it's time to come to terms with the feelings they evoke and move on.
(The saving grace for people my age is that there were no iPhones or YouTube back then. Thank god!)
It can be hard to accept that the past is the past, you can't change it, and you are probably the only person who remembers what happened.
If someone else brings up these things to humiliate you, getting over it is an effective way to drain the memory and your aggressor of power.
Being able to accept and forgive is liberating and powerful.
Playing the victim/being a scapegoat.
The next time you feel compelled to be somebody else's whipping weasel, resist.
This might feel safer if you grew up having to hide your light from the world or if the only way to be safe was to let someone else push you around.
But being a victim encourages people to victimize you, drains people who love you, and fosters hidden rage.
When you let people walk all over you, it makes you angry all the time, and that hidden rage is exhausting.
Try to be mindful the next time you're about to ask someone needily if you look fat in those jeans and stop yourself. Then avoid telling yourself that you do.
The next time you give in to an aggressive co-worker, just don't.
The next time you want to call yourself stupid, out-loud, in front of people, just don't.
Take credit for your work, revel in your beauty, say no instead of saying yes to someone you know won't appreciate what they're getting.
It might be a comfortable setting on your psyche to put yourself at a disadvantage, but try to step outside that comfort zone and embrace confidence.
Instead, assert yourself, show up for yourself, take up space, and shine.
Begin the journey in your head, even if that's the only place it manifests at first.
The next time you want to say or do something ugly to yourself, notice what's going on and say the word "stop." The mere act of becoming mindful can get you started on your journey towards a life with energy to spare.
If you can get a handle on some of these energy-sucking habits, your exhausting inner critic should settle down a bit and leave you alone.
Avoiding useless and harmful thought habits can free up a lot of energy that could be used for better things.
Becoming aware is the first step to identifying where your energy's going so you can start reclaiming your life.
Once you let go of these draining thoughts, you'll probably notice you feel happier and more energetic.
Sometimes you don't realize how draining something is until you leave it behind.