It's more important than you think.
You've met someone, and you like them.
You made it through that dreaded first date, and it went pretty good.
Now you're ready for another.
So it's time to call in second date you.
Second date you has a different job than first date you.
First-date you is the performer. You're on, baby!
You're busy putting out your best material.
The performer plays to the audience and sees the big picture but misses the details.
Second-date, you is more detail-oriented, ready to dig a little deeper.
Ready to focus inward.
This you is a little less flash, much more substance - more vigilant as well.
First dates can be tricky.
They can be tense.
They can go so badly that you never want to see the person again. That's the easiest outcome.
But what about when there are little hints of problems but nothing overt?
Or when it goes okay or even better?
If it goes fantastic, you might wonder if you imagined it.
That's what the second dates are for.
I created a set of guidelines for myself when I was on the market.
They helped me navigate the world of online dating.
Using them I was able to make the most of the experiences that eventually led me to my husband.
Much dating advice focuses on the first date, but I don't think it's the most important one.
In many ways, the second date is even more important than the first.
That first date sweeps you up. You might be a bit awkward or say something silly because you're nervous.
Your date might show off a bit to try to impress you.
You might do a little stress drinking.
Random things can happen on a first date when everyone's anxious, so it's the second date that tells you what you want to know.
When I was dating, I always tried to focus on what I could control so instead of judging what the other person was doing, I concentrated on how it made me feel.
Ultimately, when you're with someone, your happiness boils down to how you feel when you're with them, not the things they do.
So the information you need about a relationship is right there inside of you.
On that second date, you're not as focused on putting yourself out there so, you can be a little more objective and think about how you feel.
Here are some things that let you know if that person should pass through the portal to the third date and beyond.
Are you cringing?
If someone makes you cringe, that's not good.
If you really like someone, the awkward things about them won't bother you. You might even find them endearing.
It could be anything from bad jokes to body odor. If that person rubs you the wrong way on the second date, it's probably not going to get any better.
The direct opposite of cringe is to advance, so if you're cringing on the second date, maybe your subconscious is telling you that you don't really want it to proceed.
Are you laughing freely?
Laughter is an excellent sign for a bunch of reasons.
The first being that if you're laughing spontaneously, you've been able to let your guard down a bit.
You're comfortable.
It's important to feel comfortable in a relationship.
It also means your sense of humor gels with theirs.
Humor is one of those things that can get a relationship through hard times and keep things interesting.
Laughter can also tell you that you're bonding.
Laughing freely and a lot can mean you're on the right track as long as it's not the nervous, cringy kind.
Does the conversation flow easily?
When a conversation sweeps you away, you've entered that magical flow state.
Time seems to fly by, you look at your watch, and somehow it's two hours later.
My husband and I had a seven-hour first date.
It flew by in a heartbeat.
Artists and writers know a lot about this highly creative flow state, but you can also get into it when you're on a date.
This means you and your potential mate are creating something: a possible relationship.
If it happened the first time, getting back into that flow on your second date is a great sign.
It shows that it wasn't a fluke.
Are you physically comfortable?
Read your body language.
Are you leaning into or away from the other person?
You may be trying to make yourself like this person, but if you're really not feeling it, you might be trying to force it. Especially if you've been set up by someone who really wants you together.
If you're doing that, your body is probably telling you something important.
So don't deny what your body is trying to say.
If you're not sure, you might want to let it make the final decision for you.
Your body language doesn't lie.
Are you feeling awkward?
If you feel awkward on your first date, that's understandable.
On the second date, though, if you can't loosen up, it could be a bad sign.
In theory, that second date should be a time to get comfortable.
Do you feel like you're out of your league?
It's okay to think the other person is a great score, but if you really feel like you're not good enough for them, that will eventually play on your self-esteem.
Being awkward can be endearing, but if you always feel this way around them, it's going to wear thin after a while for both of you.
Are quiet alarm bells going off in your head?
This is an important one.
If there's something unsettling about this person, don't blow that feeling off.
Even if you can't put your finger on it, if you pick up on something that makes you nervous, don't ignore it.
Your brain might be sensing some subtle, subconscious danger you can't place.
I once dated a guy that gave me those subtle creeps.
I made myself ignore it because he was good-looking, had a great job, and seemed okay.
But when I got to know him better, I noticed he had weird habits and was into some pretty creepy stuff.
By the time I put it all together, we were already dating, and breaking up with him was scary.
I'm not saying every person who makes you uneasy will be that weird, but sometimes people rub you the wrong way for a reason.
Second dates don't get the props they deserve.
Between the excitement of the first date and the settling in of the third, second dates often go by unnoticed.
But this one is the key that locks or opens the door to the rest of the relationship.
Use your feelings to decide if you should take it to the next level by really being present during that second date.