Examine traits to establish self-worth.
“[Self-confidence] is how you feel when you are being your best self.” — Caroline Webb.
According to Psychologist Barbara Markway, confident people know what they want – and they’re not just sitting around and hoping for the best.
They’re confident in their desires, and they trust their abilities to attain them — they are prepared to put in the hard graft in order to get where they want to be.
In fact, according to Markway, all self-confident people share common habits and thought patterns that help them achieve their goals.
Less confident people, by comparison, trust their abilities less and question their desires more. And as a result, they’re hesitant in chasing their dreams. They often live in fear of making mistakes, and end up settling for a life they don’t truly want.
Avoiding this type of life can be difficult, but here are three things self-confident people don’t do, so you can be one of them.
1. They Question Their Choices
In life, most of the choices we face don’t actually have a correct answer — they just require a choice.
- What career do you want to pursue?
- Do you love me?
- Do you want sugar in your coffee?
The answers to these questions have no objective truth. Whether they are right or wrong is reliant on us as people: our desires, our values, and our beliefs.
Do you like sugar in your coffee? No? Then the right answer to the last question is evidently no.
Less confident people often fail to recognize this fact of life. Instead of making decisions based on how they feel — they search high and low for the right answer.
They believe there really is a correct choice to make, one that exists independently to them. One that has to be discovered.
As a result, they question the decisions they make: they often worry the choice their making is a mistake— even when a “right answer” doesn't exist.
And because of this doubtful and anxious mindset, they tend not to fully commit to the decisions they make, and this holds them back from reaching their full potential.
Questions = Overanalysis = Unhappiness
According to research, overanalyzing and then second-guessing your decision often leads to stress and unhappiness.
Dr. Joyce Ehrlinger of Florida State University has shed some light on why this might be. In her journal featured in Personality and Individual Differences, Ehrlinger labels people who overanalyze “maximizers,” and those that make a decision and stick to it “satisfiers.”
According to her research, a maximizers focus on finding the right option means that they don’t commit to any of the decisions they do make. And as a result —
“Maximizers miss out on the psychological benefits of commitment, leaving them less satisfied than their more contented counterparts, the satisfiers.”
In short, after a choice is made, maximizers are less likely to commit to their decisions. On the whole, this leaves them feeling discontented and unhappy as they ask “what if?” in their day-to-day lives.
That’s right, self-doubters overanalyze themselves into unhappiness.
Satisfiers, on the other hand, are confident in their decisions. They make choices and stick to them. As a result, they think a lot less about what could have been — and focus more on what is. And that leaves them with a happier, deeper appreciation for their life.
“We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap.” ― Anthony Hopkins
2. They Waste Time Waiting for the “Right Time”
Nothing good comes easy. As the cliche saying goes, to achieve something worthwhile — you must leave your comfort zone. But unfortunately, unconfident people often question their ability to succeed whenever they do leave their day to day routines and try something different.
Moreover, people who don’t feel comfortable in their abilities, often put the success or failure of their actions down to external factors beyond them.
More often than not, unconfident people will wait until those external factors are “just right.” Because if they’re not, they believe something catastrophic could happen, and they don’t have the ability to prevent it.
This Goldilocks form of thinking can be summarised in one line:
They wait for the “right time.”
Even when there isn’t one. In fact, there is never a “right time,” because there will always be a reason not to do something.
- “I'm too tired.”
- “I’m not ready.”
- “I’m too scared.”
Wait a year, and though these reasons won’t exist anymore, others will. Your comfort zone offers a state of mental security. Because we’re acclimatized to that security, we naturally want to stay in it.
By comparison, confident people aren’t afraid of failure. They don’t shy away from their dreams and desires. They’re confident in their abilities and take risks, no matter the time or external factors.
“When you wait for the right time, you’ll never know when it’s already too late.” ― Udai Yadla
3. They Fear Feedback or Conflict
According to Markway, unconfident people often measure their self-worth by how others perceive them. Whereas those with self-confidence don’t — they have an internal perception of worth which doesn’t change based on how others perceive them.
As a result, confident people handle criticism, rejection, and positive feedback well — because confrontation doesn’t impact their self-perception. This gives them room to listen to how others perceive them, and they often use this information to improve themselves.
Less confident people don’t have that luxury — instead, they get defensive and upset when criticized; because they feel their worth is under attack. And that typically leaves them with an inability to take on feedback.
By the same token, confident people tend to be good at navigating conflict. They don’t mow other people down when conflict arises. Instead, they easily see other people’s points of view — and are more prepared to compromise.
“Failure is constructive feedback that tells you to try a different approach to accomplish what you want.” ― Idowu Koyenikan,
Final Thoughts
Confident people are happy with who they are. They know what they want, and push themselves to get it.
Less confident people, by comparison, question their desires and downplay their abilities. To make sure you are one of them, here are things that confident people never do:
- Question their choices.
- Put things off in an attempt to wait for the “right time.”
- Fear feedback or conflict — instead of perceiving these confrontations as a way to learn about and better themselves.
And, according to Pat Evrard of LifeHack, all this leads them to hold the following behavioral traits:
- They don’t value themselves as less than others.
- They don’t fear self-doubt (or hesitate too much).
- They don’t fear failure
- They don’t have to make things perfect all the time.
And with that, they question and resist change less, and embrace the world in all its adventures more. On the whole, this leaves them with a happier, deeper appreciation for life.
In the words of Réné Gaudette:
“If you really want to change society, encourage self appreciation.”
I write about Self-Improvement, Life Lessons, Philosophy, Psychology & Business — to help you reach your full potential.
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