Growing up I used to be one of those overachieving kids. I wasn’t the smartest in my class, however, when I set a goal for myself, I intended to accomplish it.
Eagle Scout by 16, check.
Perfect attendance at school, check (989 consecutive days to be exact. And yes, I kept track).
Perfect scores on all my AP exams, check.
I enjoyed challenging myself and seeing how far I could push the boundaries of my development…
Then adulthood reared its ugly head.
Taxes. Jobs. Marriage. Kids. Responsibilities.
Something changed. As I got older it became harder and harder to start new habits or work towards accomplishing new goals. Life chipped away at my willpower until there was nothing left.
This is where I found myself at the beginning of 2019. Mentally exhausted, physically flabby, I needed to make some big changes in my life.
But how?
Lesson 1: Keep it simple
Michael Phelps once said:
I think goals should never be easy, they should force you to work, even if they are uncomfortable at the time.
I disagree.
Like most people, I sometimes have grand visions of New-and-Improved versions of myself. But those visions hardly ever get me to start working towards my goals.
When I looked at myself naked in the mirror last March, I saw a Dad bod looking back at me. I’ve always been a bit on the thinner side, so this new growth in my midsection left me looking like a pear propped up on toothpicks.
I wanted to look and feel healthier, but I wasn’t in the mood to start working out.
“Drop to the floor and do 10 push ups,” I thought.
So I did. 10 simple push ups.
The next day I did 15. The day after that 17. Then 20, then 25.
After a week, I decided to try something a little harder.
A week after that, I set aside 20 minutes every evening to do simple exercises. A month later, I was lifting weights 5 times a week.
Those push ups I did 10 months ago eventually compounded into a fully transformed body and consistent work out routine (I don’t have before and after pics, but let’s just say my wife is very pleased).
In your case, instead of setting ambitious goals, start small and simple.
- If you want to read more books, start by reading one page before bedtime.
- If you want to eat healthier, cook one healthy meal a week.
- If you want _________ (fill in the blank), start with the smallest, simplest action.
The goal is to get you heading in the right direction and into a better mindset to make life-altering changes.
Lesson 2: Measure the most important thing
I’ve mentioned before that my main goal for this year is to make writing my full-time career.
Can you guess which metrics I’m paying close attention to?
If you guessed, views, claps, reading time, or monthly payouts you’re wrong.
There is only one number I care about: 5.
If I sit down at my desk and hit publish 5 times a week, that’s a success.
Why? Because in the early stages of starting a new habit it’s easy to become discouraged by the numbers.
New bloggers complain about not getting enough readers so they end up distracted by researching how to optimize their titles or finding the best time to publish, all of which takes time away from their craft and the one metric they can control: output.
If this sounds a bit like your situation, throw away your spreadsheets and charts and focus on the most important thing: How many times do you show up?
By measuring your consistency, you not only reinforce your new behaviors, you get rid of everything that’s outside your control.
Again, just like starting out simple, your goal is to get you into a better mindset of showing up and taking action.
Lesson 3: Keep it a secret
It’s called *personal* development for a reason.
I used to think publishing my goals helped me stay accountable to them, until I realized that I often gave up anyway.
So I decided to try something new: keep your goals a secret.
This summer my family and I are going to Italy for my aunt’s wedding. I thought it would be fun to know a little bit of Italian before we went, so I dowloaded the Duolingo app and have spent at least 10 minutes every day for the past 276 days learning Italian.
I didn’t share any of this publicly until now. I’ve made it my own little secret, something interesting I do for myself that no one really needs to know about.
To be honest, I don’t know if this has a psychological impact or not, but for whatever reason it’s put less pressure on me hitting my goal.
If you are someone who shares their goals or personal development projects simply for the hit of dopamine you receive, stop it.
Instead, try keeping your goals to yourself. Everyone’s focused on themselves anyway to care.
What works best for you?
I know everything I’ve said here has been said before. I’m re-sharing this information in case you’re one of those people who give up pursuing your New Years resolutions mid-January.
It’s okay to start over, to keep things simple, and to focus on you alone.