What are you waiting for?
Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash
Like it or not this life that we are living, right here and right now is our new normal.
Today — this is what life is like. The future may be different and the past most certainly was. But the way things are today is what we have to confront, accept and deal with.
I hear others questioning “What will our new normal look like?” I’ve asked it of myself and others on many occasions.
We crave the comfort of certainty rather than a future that’s chaotic and unpredictable. We want to understand the lasting effects of what we’re going through, and to be assured about how much of our former-lives will be salvaged and eventually restored.
We see others behaving like normality has returned - casting off the masks, heading to the mall and partying on the beach.
We wonder - will workplaces finally accept there’s a significant and enduring place for home-working without questioning whether employees can be trusted? After all, business has carried on even though people are working from home on a large scale.
Will schools return to having all pupils in situ, all the time or will remote learning technologies be exploited on an ongoing basis? Will social distancing be the means by which shopping returns to being a means of getting the supplies we need to live rather than a hobby or pastime centred on instant gratification through accumulation?
Whatever happens, I don’t believe that anything will be restored to being as it used to be, and in many ways I take comfort from not hoping for much more than what I’m now getting used to. Other than a little more freedom to see and spend time with friends and family, there’s a lot to be said for the stripped back existence that I now experience on a daily basis.
I appreciate that not everyone feels the same way though.
Many, myself included find themselves daydreaming about what the future may hold but none of us can really know. The only constant and the only thing that’s certain is that what we have now, right now is the only ‘normal’ we can count on.
“What we have is now.”
-Eckhart Tolle
Anxiety is a state induced when we speculate about what is around the corner and feel fearful about what we conjure up in our mind. This story from VeryWellMind illustrates the many ways we can mentally talk ourselves into anxiety if we're not careful to control our speculation and theorising.
We fear the unknown generally, but recent times have given us a new, heightened awareness of the nature of things that can emerge which weren’t previously even on the radar — large-scale financial crises and further global pandemics now seem a more clear and present threat.
Fear of the unknown is real and the anxiety that comes when our brain concocts scenarios that may or may not be likely, will paralyse us if we let it. It strikes me though that a big part of speculating on the future comes from a refusal to accept that anything is certain other than the here and now.
You may not like what we have now, and are holding out for something better. The possible changes to how we live that are already being discussed or which seem likely may not seem palatable. None of us really knows what will change and when. We cannot know what life will be like when it does.
Photo by James Lee on UnsplashAn antidote to speculating is to accept that what we have right now is all that really matters — it’s all we can count on.
When we stop speculating we can instead adapt to the here and now. It doesn’t mean we can’t hope for something different. But when we accept that this is it, we’re free to adapt and live in the moment. This is often more palatable and more comfortable than clinging on to hopes of something different or better. Subconsciously, most would admit that such hopes are held onto in vain.
Maybe you don’t like the status quo? Perhaps (like most) the here and now feels like a cut-down, pared-back and inferior version of what we used to rely-on. Even if we didn’t appreciate how good it was at the time, our recent past may look rosy.
However much you’re struggling, you have choices — nobody is so stuck that they can’t do at least something to improve their situation.
If you are currently sick, you have no option other than to take the time needed to recover to full health. You can still choose to accept stoically that in spite of your best efforts to observe social distancing, you fell ill. It’s not a cruel twist of fate having singled you out. At least you may have some immunity in future.
Choose to accept rather than feel bad about what cannot be changed.
You may have lost your job, but you can still choose to look around for new work or for help you can access. Take a pause to figure out what cut-backs you can make until you’re back on your feet. It won’t be easy or pleasant, but it’s an alternative to lamenting the situation and beating up on yourself.
You can choose to do some exercise or you can remain stagnant. There may not be a race to prepare for, and the approach of swimsuit season may seem irrelevant right now, but exercise still helps. Your mind and body will feel better for having done something strenuous, even for a few minutes.
It’s up to you whether you eat something healthy or enjoy an indulgent snack that will leave you feeling bloated and on an edgy sugar-rush within 30 minutes.
You get to choose whether to have another virtual cocktail party via Zoom or whether you get to bed early for a good night’s sleep.
You can work to find a solution to your woes or lament the situation. You can opt to be kind to yourself and to be accepting of the situation or resist reality and feel hard done by. The situation will remain the same ultimately.
Let’s not lose hope for a better future where we can adapt to the new reality of life as humans on this planet. Equally, let’s not pretend that life is likely to be exactly the same as it used to be.
Compared to recent history, life right now is still a breeze compared to how it once was. There are silver-linings to the dark cloud hanging over us and if we don’t take time to recognise them as an inherent part of the here and now, we’re denying ourselves an opportunity for a better life as we prepare for the future.
Be here, now.