Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash
Have you ever wondered what happened to the men who used to stand up for what is right and just with principled behavior? They were true role models for the boys who would become men. I remember them.
When I was a lad, my father, grandfather(s), and uncles were men who said what they meant. They took a stance against behaviors not tolerated. Such men are both respected by their peers and feared by those who oppose them.
Setting the standard
When I look around these days, I compare myself to those examples set for me — and try to emulate their righteous behavior and set a good example for my sons and my stepson. What I see in other men of the same generation, or younger, troubles me.
The rugged men of yesteryear may have dwindled. Is it because of the civilization and societal progress we’ve shared as a nation? There is a lack of civility and principled stubbornness among many now. I would say that there are several males who do not even know the meaning of self-respect, and if they know it they cannot show it. If they have any.
They taught me to be clean, have my hair combed, my clothes neat, clean-shaven, and my shoes clean. I even tuck in my shirt, though many others choose not to tuck these days. Many men do not even own a handkerchief — or know how to shave, apparently. What is it with guys wearing their pants down around their butt? Are they plumber’s helpers who didn’t get the job? (no offense to the plumbers out there)
Less than manly
The feminization of America has become increasingly bothersome. Do women really want men who are more feminine? Maybe they don’t and that’s why there are apparently more gay men and women. They want nothing to do with the other gender so they pitch to the home-team. I’m not sure. I also don’t care what anyone’s sexual preference is as long as they do not try to force their beliefs on me — I’m pretty sure that’s the same sentiment with most of the country. Just because I believe in something, I may not condone what others do, but if it isn’t hurting me or my family I’m not going to bother them about it. We can even be friends. I’m not here to judge your actions in that way.
Provide and work together
A real man should be willing and able to both protect and provide for his family. Should his wife or kids make more money than he does, that’s great for them — and he shouldn’t be jealous, only happy for them and proud. It does not absolve him of his responsibilities, though. They can just help more with the frivolous expenses and the fun things — or buy the other things they want. It is still his responsibility to provide food, shelter, and safety.
My wife brings in more money than I do. I make more on the hour, but she can work overtime and has a schedule that regularly puts her into overtime. She works hard for it and deserves every dime she makes, and I am proud of her and all she does. I may envy the amount she pulls in, but not the time she is away from me to make it, nor do I want any of it for my own pursuits. She worked hard for it, and she shares it with the family as any loving wife and mother would. I still cover the food, shelter, utilities, and essentials. Though she pays the cell phone bill, which is pretty steep. She makes me proud of her every day. I wish that I had her work ethic.
Parenting takes two
Being a man, raising and mentoring my boys has been a full-time job. One that a mother can’t do alone — in that my wife and ex-wife both had problems with correcting and disciplining our sons. I would be out of town on business and call home at night to check on things and talk to everyone — only to be put on hold…” hang on, you need to talk to ____!, I can’t get him to ____”.
One time I came home and my oldest, about four, met me at the door and greeted me with “I don’t need a whoopin’!”. I couldn’t have spanked him then, even if I wanted to. It was just too cute.
What I’m driving at is that boys need a positive influence by a male authority figure. A father they look up to and respect. Only these men can discipline a boy with the authority required for both respecting the mother’s decisions and influence. It shows them the mother and father are united and hold the same principles. It helps guide their upbringing so they know right and wrong. This is true even when parents occasionally get it wrong too.
Does that increasingly diminished role of the male in the family have anything to do with the feminization of America? Perhaps it does. Men and women do not stick together cohesively as they once did. It was once men who were noted to be more promiscuous and cat around with the wife home alone — and now the reverse is equally true. Men and women should try harder to work together to overcome their differences instead of trying to outdo one another or strike out on their own because they have dreams they want to pursue regardless of how it affects their spouse. It may take a village to raise a child, but it takes a mother and father, and many of them to make that village.
Men need to be men, and own up to their responsibilities, and set good examples. We once even had television and movies that taught morals and emphasized righteous actions and standing up for others, even in the face of adversity. We now have movies and TV shows where villains and other bad-guys are glorified. Death, blood, gore, killing, violence, adultery, and one-night stands appear to be the message of the day.
Remember when faith, hope, resilience, civility, and self-sufficiency were taught in the homes and reinforced in school? I think even most people went to church back then too (or synagogues or mosques).
Where have the men gone… and are they ever coming back? Perhaps it is I who is a dinosaur, and my age is catching up to me and showing how society has passed me by. Am I a relic of the days of old, and not a symbol of the person I believe I should be?
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