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I never thought I would end up in a mental hospital.
I certainly never thought I’d end up homeless and in and out of several mental hospitals.
Awful things happen in some mental hospitals. Patients hurting themselves. Out of control yelling. Patients not bathing.
But Colorado’s state mental hospital isn’t like that. In fact, it’s a surprisingly good place.
The hospital only is for incarcerated patients. You might think a state mental hospital filled with criminals would be far worse than the mental health unit at Denver Health, for example.
Not so.
Mental Hospital boasts an experienced workforce
The state mental hospital is run like a tight ship. The people who work there seem happy. Everyone who works there (well, most of the people who work there) treat the patients with kindness and respect.
You’ll find that many of the employees at the state mental hospital have been there a long time. They demonstrate passion for helping “the guys,” as so many clinicians called us.
Women are in the mental hospital, too, but not in the same wing as men.
The campus at the state mental hospital in Pueblo is vast. Patients are divided into wings. I never could figure out how they decide which groups to put together.
There were severely mentally disabled people who talked to themselves in my group. They stood out. There also were guys who mostly just kept quiet.
State mental hospital offers several amenities
I was pretty social. I only had problems with two people, and both were white supremacists who talked about other unsavory topics, too.
Exactly the kind of people I used to write about.
When you first enter the hospital, you go into the Hawkins Building, which is relatively new. The brick buildings have soaring ceilings and lots of glass. They don’t look anything like a mental hospital.
There is a rec center with billiards, swimming pool, table tennis, foosball, and more. There is a library you can order from.
A time to read books I never had time to read
I read several books while in the mental hospital. I read the entire “Da Vinci Code” series as well as a couple of science-fiction books about colonizing Mars.
We stayed remarkably busy at the Pueblo campus. We would have groups about addiction, basic legal knowledge, medication knowledge, and much more.
Groups usually were not required but staying in your room all the time meant you stayed in the hospital longer.
Unlike jail, hospital offers compassionate care
I think most of the guys behaved at the hospital because it was so much better than jail. Instead of deputies who occasionally could be bitterly hateful, we were cared for by trained, compassionate healthcare professionals.
Most people with mental problems who get tangled in the legal system do so when they’re off their medications. When medicated, they are calm, law-abiding people more often than not.
I had a favorite nurses assistant. I called her Carmen. She could really pester you in the morning to get up. She had a shrilling voice that I could not resist mocking now and then.
But I liked her. Over time she began to learn about my writing. She read some of my blogs. Several employees of the mental hospital said they read my blogs.
Great fun on YouTube Saturdays
On Saturdays we played YouTube videos. They would ask us to pick a song that shares something about us.
I remember one Saturday I chose, “I Will Survive.” I chose the version with RuPaul and Diana Ross. The reason I chose it is because I was present for the video’s filming.
The filming took place on Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood on a slow Wednesday evening. They made us all crowd together so it would look busy as a float with Diana Ross and RuPaul ambled down the boulevard.
Another time, I chose Johnny Cash’s “Rock Island Line” since I am from Rock Island, Ill.
Purple-haired doctor gaslighting, nasty
I remember talking to one of the security guards about political corruption quite a bit. He knew a lot of information that I had picked up on, too. We had some great conversations.
Many people believed my story, that my house was shot up after I wrote about political corruption. What’s not to believe. The stories about corruption are there and so are the pictures of the bullet holes in the house.
Still, it’s written in records that I was “delusional” when I spoke about my journalism career.
I viewed this as barefaced gaslighting intended to upset me. The doctor in question had purple hair. She made her radical leftist leanings no secret.
She was a rude, angry woman. After a while, I switched doctors to a nice lady from India.
Prescription puts an end to my nightmares
Clinically, the first thing she did for me was prescribe prazosin. Prazosin is a medication used to snuff out nightmares.
I had terrible nightmares for several years following a couple of assaults back in Illinois. They would be so bad I frequently would wake at night kicking my feet.
The prazosin stopped all that immediately.
I also was given Seroquel, an antipsychotic. It helped quell my mania and made it easier for me to sleep at night.
From the klepto to the quiet little guy
There were a few characters in the mental hospital. One little old guy was a kleptomaniac. He stole things for the rush.
One day he stole my radio out of my room. They caught him on the videotape, and I got my radio back.
Another guy was very tiny and seldom spoke. When he did speak, he had a high-pitched voice.
This guy was worried about what would happen upon his release. He had nowhere to go, he said. Being homeless scared him.
I wonder what happened to him. I hope they found him housing. I don’t think Pueblo releases anyone to the street. Most are released back to corrections for pending trials.
Coffee socials always the week’s bright spots
“Coffee social” proved to be the bright spots during the week. We all delighted in bad instant coffee with instant creamer and sugar. It was better than no coffee at all.
They used to tell us to take our time drinking the coffee and enjoy it. Coffee usually was served by “The Mikes,” two guys named Mike who operated as chief instructors. One was an older guy and the other a younger guy.
Both were exceptionally personable and caring.
Social worker worried I’d dislike 'menial' jobs
I can’t say enough about the hospital’s social worker. She lined up the apartment where I currently live.
It’s kind of funny. She was concerned that a “high-functioning” person like me with a college education would have trouble working a 'menial' job.
I told her I did not intend to work a menial job, I intended to land some writing assignments when I got out.
She just looked at me.
And what do you know. I got out in June and by October I had landed my first paid client.
I don’t know if any of them ever looked at my LinkedIn profile and saw my vast writing experience or not. In addition to cutting my teeth as a reporter at the age of 18, I worked in senior editing roles at some of the nation's best newspapers.
Somehow it seemed if I had done all that, how could I be in a state mental hospital for people in trouble with the law.
I often asked myself the same question.
Prayer, the Bible helped me through the rough times
I had rough times in the hospital. Any time I would be accused of being “delusional” would set me off. I had no problem speaking my mind when triggered.
I also became upset one day when a nurse gave the group false information about HIV transmission. I filled out a grievance.
A few of the women who worked at the hospital treated us like second-class citizens. I picked up on their vibe and wasn’t very friendly to them, either.
I kept a journal in the hospital. I wrote several prayers in it. And you know what? They have been answered and then some.
But for the most part, my time in Pueblo was spent getting quality care from people who cared.
And you can’t ask for more than that.